What's happening?
What's the matter with me?
Why do I start crying suddenly,
when I'm alone?
Why can't I stand still,
without moving
for an entire second?
Why does the world
seem to spin so fast,
so much faster than before?
And my head spins with it together...
And my heart joins in...
And my soul needs to hold on
or it will fall down,
and leave my body alone
on this endless rollercoaster
into which my life has turned right now.
The world is spinning too fast.
And it isn't simple to hold on to it.
Will I be free if I let it go?
Marta's Notebook
Thursday 12 April 2012
Wednesday 11 April 2012
Sugarfog
Seen only in the dark,
Unseen only in the day,
Great but small,
Around us all,
Right and wrong,
For weak and strong,
Only sometimes useful,
Garantiedly beautiful.
Unseen only in the day,
Great but small,
Around us all,
Right and wrong,
For weak and strong,
Only sometimes useful,
Garantiedly beautiful.
Monday 26 March 2012
"Friends 4-ever"
"Friends 4-ever"...
this tricky little phrase
which we say so often
without thinking.
"Friends 4-ever"
we said once and then you moved
to the mainland
leaving me alone.
"Friends 4-ever"
I said to a different you,
years after that,
when I had finally recovered.
But again,
it didn't last long
and the you of that time disappered
to visit another place far away
and when I saw that you again,
I could hardly recognise you,
so much had you changed.
Now, I don't believe in "friends 4-ever" anymore.
This is sad,
as I've got new friends now.
And even though you,
the you of the present,
the you of now,
are the bests friends I've ever had,
I'm scared of the future.
I'm scared of believing
that we will always be together.
I'm scared of more yous,
The yous of the future.
And I'm scared that I
might ever forget
the yous of the now.
But above all I'm scared
of two little words
which seem suicidal,
as once pronounced,
the will not come true.
And I know that the best I can do,
is enjoy my time now
and stop worring about the future.
But how can I relax,
knowing that maybe,
this will be the last few months
that we spent together.
I hate goodbyes,
but above all,
I hate goodbyes 4-ever.
this tricky little phrase
which we say so often
without thinking.
"Friends 4-ever"
we said once and then you moved
to the mainland
leaving me alone.
"Friends 4-ever"
I said to a different you,
years after that,
when I had finally recovered.
But again,
it didn't last long
and the you of that time disappered
to visit another place far away
and when I saw that you again,
I could hardly recognise you,
so much had you changed.
Now, I don't believe in "friends 4-ever" anymore.
This is sad,
as I've got new friends now.
And even though you,
the you of the present,
the you of now,
are the bests friends I've ever had,
I'm scared of the future.
I'm scared of believing
that we will always be together.
I'm scared of more yous,
The yous of the future.
And I'm scared that I
might ever forget
the yous of the now.
But above all I'm scared
of two little words
which seem suicidal,
as once pronounced,
the will not come true.
And I know that the best I can do,
is enjoy my time now
and stop worring about the future.
But how can I relax,
knowing that maybe,
this will be the last few months
that we spent together.
I hate goodbyes,
but above all,
I hate goodbyes 4-ever.
Saturday 24 March 2012
The well of life
Walking around the forest,
with no plan and no direction.
As always hearing
all birds singing
welcoming me to their world.
And the faint smell of lavander
surrounded me as I entered
into that mysterious cave.
The dangerous teeth
of the scary entrance
seemed unlogically welcoming.
Like to suicide
madness cannot resist,
I couldn't resist this calling.
And though unprudent
and even childish as it may seem,
I entered the unknown
in form of a cave
in the middle of a forest
which I knew so well,
but still surprised me
everyday.
And could not believe
what then I saw
as I looked and stared
at the never ending brightness,
which emerged from the darkness
in the form of a well.
And the well's well-kept water,
as though molten moonlight,
shone brighter and brighter,
so much warmer
than the sun outside.
And as I walked,
slowly walked,
towards the water,
I knew this was so much more
than a well.
I knew that this was,
as we all once were,
pure energy.
And I knew at once
when before it I did stand,
that this was the well of life
and it's light,
so clear and so bright,
is all that's left in its purest form.
I knew, without knowing how
that this liquid I was looking at
had once been a part of me.
And I had been a part of it.
The lavander smell got clearer
it was all that was left
from the world outside.
And it was my turn now
to give back what I had taken,
or to take back what I had given,
depends on the perspective.
Because both are true right now.
I gave myself back to this energy
and I took the energy from this human back.
We are united now.
We are the same.
And everything is as though
we had never been seperated.
At least until another part of me
escapes to the human world.
I can just hope that it,
too,
will return.
with no plan and no direction.
As always hearing
all birds singing
welcoming me to their world.
And the faint smell of lavander
surrounded me as I entered
into that mysterious cave.
The dangerous teeth
of the scary entrance
seemed unlogically welcoming.
Like to suicide
madness cannot resist,
I couldn't resist this calling.
And though unprudent
and even childish as it may seem,
I entered the unknown
in form of a cave
in the middle of a forest
which I knew so well,
but still surprised me
everyday.
And could not believe
what then I saw
as I looked and stared
at the never ending brightness,
which emerged from the darkness
in the form of a well.
And the well's well-kept water,
as though molten moonlight,
shone brighter and brighter,
so much warmer
than the sun outside.
And as I walked,
slowly walked,
towards the water,
I knew this was so much more
than a well.
I knew that this was,
as we all once were,
pure energy.
And I knew at once
when before it I did stand,
that this was the well of life
and it's light,
so clear and so bright,
is all that's left in its purest form.
I knew, without knowing how
that this liquid I was looking at
had once been a part of me.
And I had been a part of it.
The lavander smell got clearer
it was all that was left
from the world outside.
And it was my turn now
to give back what I had taken,
or to take back what I had given,
depends on the perspective.
Because both are true right now.
I gave myself back to this energy
and I took the energy from this human back.
We are united now.
We are the same.
And everything is as though
we had never been seperated.
At least until another part of me
escapes to the human world.
I can just hope that it,
too,
will return.
Friday 9 March 2012
Friends
I've been inspired for this poem by my new friends from my new school. They are simply the most amazing people in the world and I'm so glad that I've had a chance to get to know them. And I want to thank them for giving me a chance and for having welcomed me into their group without hardly knowing me and for accepting me as I am, without wanting to change me. These wonderful people are: Raquel, Milena, Elisa, Sonia, Hannah, Christine, Belen and Paula.
It's always been so obvious,
that I had to walk alone.
And in my lonely road I kept,
with no hope that it would ever change.
And now that I have met you
I know how stupid I've been.
I thought I was stronger
for being a loner
and not needing anybody's help.
I though I was independent
by not being influenced
by anybody else
than myself.
But now I have tasted
the real meaning of friendship
I know how wrong I was.
I don't even remember
how before last september
I could live on my own.
And I know that we're different.
And I know that,
even after so much time,
I'm still "the new one",
the different one,
the last one to be told
what has to be said.
But I also know
for the first time in my life,
that this thing they call friendship,
is not just a dream,
far fetched and unreacheble
That it does exist.
And that I, too,
can have friends.
And now I do have friends.
And now you are my friends.
And I know we are friends.
And I know you will be there
for me when I need you.
And I hope that when you need me
you will tell me, too,
because I want to be a friend for you,
as you have been friends for me.
It's always been so obvious,
that I had to walk alone.
And in my lonely road I kept,
with no hope that it would ever change.
And now that I have met you
I know how stupid I've been.
I thought I was stronger
for being a loner
and not needing anybody's help.
I though I was independent
by not being influenced
by anybody else
than myself.
But now I have tasted
the real meaning of friendship
I know how wrong I was.
I don't even remember
how before last september
I could live on my own.
And I know that we're different.
And I know that,
even after so much time,
I'm still "the new one",
the different one,
the last one to be told
what has to be said.
But I also know
for the first time in my life,
that this thing they call friendship,
is not just a dream,
far fetched and unreacheble
That it does exist.
And that I, too,
can have friends.
And now I do have friends.
And now you are my friends.
And I know we are friends.
And I know you will be there
for me when I need you.
And I hope that when you need me
you will tell me, too,
because I want to be a friend for you,
as you have been friends for me.
Wednesday 7 March 2012
I'm not boring!
It has always been
a mystery to me
how it could seem
that I'm so shy
when I'm talking
to somebody in particular.
But then
when I'm alone
it is when
it's so easy to express
what I feel
in black and white.
And though I know
that you didn't mean
to hurt me as much
as you did,
it's what you have,
so now I have to face
my pain on my own,
as always.
And you will never know
what you've done to me
as I'm to shy to speak,
but not to shy to write.
So at least if I can not say
with sound, I will reply
and tell you
how wrong you are:
I am not boring,
I am just shy.
a mystery to me
how it could seem
that I'm so shy
when I'm talking
to somebody in particular.
But then
when I'm alone
it is when
it's so easy to express
what I feel
in black and white.
And though I know
that you didn't mean
to hurt me as much
as you did,
it's what you have,
so now I have to face
my pain on my own,
as always.
And you will never know
what you've done to me
as I'm to shy to speak,
but not to shy to write.
So at least if I can not say
with sound, I will reply
and tell you
how wrong you are:
I am not boring,
I am just shy.
Thursday 23 February 2012
Raspberry dreams
Midnight. Almost. I lay awake looking continuosly at the big wooden clock. No sound. No movement. It was dark. Very dark and silent. For a second, I thought I had smelt something. Something nice. Raspberries, maybe. Or blueberries. But I thought my imagination was playing tricks on me, as usual. How wrong I was!
The clock finally anounced midnight. I closed my eyes trying to fall asleep. The smell of berries intensified, as my dream became more and more vivid and the forest through which I flew became clearer and clearer. It is difficult to think clearly when you are sleeping, but I suspected that something about that dream wasn't right. And then, when I woke up, I realised what it was. The door was locked and the windows clocked. There was no way in which the wind could have moved even the lightest paper from it's place. But my perfume bottle had moved from its place. It was at the floor. Broken. And the sweet raspberry perfume had expanded through all my room. Now the question is, how did it fall down?
The clock finally anounced midnight. I closed my eyes trying to fall asleep. The smell of berries intensified, as my dream became more and more vivid and the forest through which I flew became clearer and clearer. It is difficult to think clearly when you are sleeping, but I suspected that something about that dream wasn't right. And then, when I woke up, I realised what it was. The door was locked and the windows clocked. There was no way in which the wind could have moved even the lightest paper from it's place. But my perfume bottle had moved from its place. It was at the floor. Broken. And the sweet raspberry perfume had expanded through all my room. Now the question is, how did it fall down?
Saturday 18 February 2012
Sea destiny
Midnight by the sea.
The soft wind whispers.
Calls for me.
Above the night sky,
three lonely birds with
the stars fly.
And under the moon,
patiently waiting
for me to come soon
my near future lies.
But as hard as I
with all effort try
I can not see it.
The soft waves' breathing
haunts me as it is
everywhere.
Always follow me,
the birds as I leave
the sea.
And under the moon,
patiently waiting
for me to come soon
my near future lies.
But as hard as I
with all effort try
I can not see it.
As I leave, I go.
As I go the clouds
fly so low.
And the sea calls me.
And I call to it:
Goodbye...
The soft wind whispers.
Calls for me.
Above the night sky,
three lonely birds with
the stars fly.
And under the moon,
patiently waiting
for me to come soon
my near future lies.
But as hard as I
with all effort try
I can not see it.
The soft waves' breathing
haunts me as it is
everywhere.
Always follow me,
the birds as I leave
the sea.
And under the moon,
patiently waiting
for me to come soon
my near future lies.
But as hard as I
with all effort try
I can not see it.
As I leave, I go.
As I go the clouds
fly so low.
And the sea calls me.
And I call to it:
Goodbye...
Tuesday 14 February 2012
Saturday 11 February 2012
Looking
I looked at you,
you looked at me
and we both looked away
embarrased.
Again I looked at you
and you turned around
and looked at me
and I turned around
and went red
hoping you would not see it.
Again I turned around
to look at you,
saw you were not looking at me
so I kept looking
until you looked at me
and we both went red
and turned around.
Now though you don't look at me
and I do not look at you,
with our hearts we are both
still looking at each other.
And I know when again I see you
you will look at me
and I will look at you
and we will smile
and look away.
Until one day you look at me
and I look at you
and you come over here
and talk to me
and say my name
and finally ask me for a date.
you looked at me
and we both looked away
embarrased.
Again I looked at you
and you turned around
and looked at me
and I turned around
and went red
hoping you would not see it.
Again I turned around
to look at you,
saw you were not looking at me
so I kept looking
until you looked at me
and we both went red
and turned around.
Now though you don't look at me
and I do not look at you,
with our hearts we are both
still looking at each other.
And I know when again I see you
you will look at me
and I will look at you
and we will smile
and look away.
Until one day you look at me
and I look at you
and you come over here
and talk to me
and say my name
and finally ask me for a date.
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