What's happening?

What's the matter with me?

Why do I start crying suddenly,

when I'm alone?

Why can't I stand still,

without moving

for an entire second?

Why does the world

seem to spin so fast,

so much faster than before?

And my head spins with it together...

And my heart joins in...

And my soul needs to hold on

or it will fall down,

and leave my body alone

on this endless rollercoaster

into which my life has turned right now.

The world is spinning too fast.

And it isn't simple to hold on to it.

Will I be free if I let it go?

Sugarfog

Seen only in the dark,

Unseen only in the day,

Great but small,

Around us all,

Right and wrong,

For weak and strong,

Only sometimes useful,

Garantiedly beautiful.

"Friends 4-ever"

"Friends 4-ever"...

this tricky little phrase

which we say so often

without thinking.

"Friends 4-ever"

we said once and then you moved

to the mainland

leaving me alone.

"Friends 4-ever"

I said to a different you,

years after that,

when I had finally recovered.

But again,

it didn't last long

and the you of that time disappered

to visit another place far away

and when I saw that you again,

I could hardly recognise you,

so much had you changed.

Now, I don't believe in "friends 4-ever" anymore.

This is sad,

as I've got new friends now.

And even though you,

the you of the present,

the you of now,

are the bests friends I've ever had,

I'm scared of the future.

I'm scared of believing

that we will always be together.

I'm scared of more yous,

The yous of the future.

And I'm scared that I

might ever forget

the yous of the now.

But above all I'm scared

of two little words

which seem suicidal,

as once pronounced,

the will not come true.

And I know that the best I can do,

is enjoy my time now

and stop worring about the future.

But how can I relax,

knowing that maybe,

this will be the last few months

that we spent together.

I hate goodbyes,

but above all,

I hate goodbyes 4-ever.

The well of life

Walking around the forest,

with no plan and no direction.

As always hearing

all birds singing

welcoming me to their world.

And the faint smell of lavander

surrounded me as I entered

into that mysterious cave.

The dangerous teeth

of the scary entrance

seemed unlogically welcoming.

Like to suicide

madness cannot resist,

I couldn't resist this calling.

And though unprudent

and even childish as it may seem,

I entered the unknown

in form of a cave

in the middle of a forest

which I knew so well,

but still surprised me

everyday.

And could not believe

what then I saw

as I looked and stared

at the never ending brightness,

which emerged from the darkness

in the form of a well.

And the well's well-kept water,

as though molten moonlight,

shone brighter and brighter,

so much warmer

than the sun outside.

And as I walked,

slowly walked,

towards the water,

I knew this was so much more

than a well.

I knew that this was,

as we all once were,

pure energy.

And I knew at once

when before it I did stand,

that this was the well of life

and it's light,

so clear and so bright,

is all that's left in its purest form.

I knew, without knowing how

that this liquid I was looking at

had once been a part of me.

And I had been a part of it.

The lavander smell got clearer

it was all that was left

from the world outside.

And it was my turn now

to give back what I had taken,

or to take back what I had given,

depends on the perspective.

Because both are true right now.

I gave myself back to this energy

and I took the energy from this human back.

We are united now.

We are the same.

And everything is as though

we had never been seperated.

At least until another part of me

escapes to the human world.

I can just hope that it,

too,

will return.

Friends

I've been inspired for this poem by my new friends from my new school. They are simply the most amazing people in the world and I'm so glad that I've had a chance to get to know them. And I want to thank them for giving me a chance and for having welcomed me into their group without hardly knowing me and for accepting me as I am, without wanting to change me. These wonderful people are: Raquel, Milena, Elisa, Sonia, Hannah, Christine, Belen and Paula.


It's always been so obvious,

that I had to walk alone.

And in my lonely road I kept,

with no hope that it would ever change.

And now that I have met you

I know how stupid I've been.

I thought I was stronger

for being a loner

and not needing anybody's help.

I though I was independent

by not being influenced

by anybody else

than myself.

But now I have tasted

the real meaning of friendship

I know how wrong I was.

I don't even remember

how before last september

I could live on my own.

And I know that we're different.

And I know that,

even after so much time,

I'm still "the new one",

the different one,

the last one to be told

what has to be said.

But I also know

for the first time in my life,

that this thing they call friendship,

is not just a dream,

far fetched and unreacheble

That it does exist.

And that I, too,

can have friends.

And now I do have friends.

And now you are my friends.

And I know we are friends.

And I know you will be there

for me when I need you.

And I hope that when you need me

you will tell me, too,

because I want to be a friend for you,

as you have been friends for me.

I'm not boring!

It has always been

a mystery to me
how it could seem
that I'm so shy
when I'm talking

to somebody in particular.
But then
when I'm alone

it is when

it's so easy to express
what I feel

in black and white.

And though I know
that you didn't mean
to hurt me as much

as you did,

it's what you have,
so now I have to face

my pain on my own,
as always.

And you will never know
what you've done to me

as I'm to shy to speak,
but not to shy to write.

So at least if I can not say

with sound, I will reply

and tell you

how wrong you are:

I am not boring,
I am just shy.

Raspberry dreams

Midnight. Almost. I lay awake looking continuosly at the big wooden clock. No sound. No movement. It was dark. Very dark and silent. For a second, I thought I had smelt something. Something nice. Raspberries, maybe. Or blueberries. But I thought my imagination was playing tricks on me, as usual. How wrong I was!
The clock finally anounced midnight. I closed my eyes trying to fall asleep. The smell of berries intensified, as my dream became more and more vivid and the forest through which I flew became clearer and clearer. It is difficult to think clearly when you are sleeping, but I suspected that something about that dream wasn't right. And then, when I woke up, I realised what it was. The door was locked and the windows clocked. There was no way in which the wind could have moved even the lightest paper from it's place. But my perfume bottle had moved from its place. It was at the floor. Broken. And the sweet raspberry perfume had expanded through all my room. Now the question is, how did it fall down?

Sea destiny

Midnight by the sea.

The soft wind whispers.

Calls for me.


Above the night sky,

three lonely birds with

the stars fly.


And under the moon,

patiently waiting

for me to come soon

my near future lies.

But as hard as I

with all effort try

I can not see it.


The soft waves' breathing

haunts me as it is

everywhere.

Always follow me,

the birds as I leave

the sea.


And under the moon,

patiently waiting

for me to come soon

my near future lies.

But as hard as I

with all effort try

I can not see it.


As I leave, I go.

As I go the clouds

fly so low.


And the sea calls me.

And I call to it:

Goodbye...

Happy Valentines Day!!!

Looking

I looked at you,

you looked at me

and we both looked away

embarrased.

Again I looked at you

and you turned around

and looked at me

and I turned around

and went red

hoping you would not see it.

Again I turned around

to look at you,

saw you were not looking at me

so I kept looking

until you looked at me

and we both went red

and turned around.

Now though you don't look at me

and I do not look at you,

with our hearts we are both

still looking at each other.

And I know when again I see you

you will look at me

and I will look at you

and we will smile

and look away.

Until one day you look at me

and I look at you

and you come over here

and talk to me

and say my name

and finally ask me for a date.

The last nightmare

“When I open my eyes again, I will be in my bed and realise that this is just another dream.”
But I didn't dare opening my eyes. Something inside of me gave me the feeling that, this time, it was different. I didn't knew what it was, but I knew that, this time, I was awake.
And when I finally opened my eyes, I found out what it was, that was giving me that certainity:
I was not scared. And even thought I knew that my life was about to end, I was not scared.
In my dreams, I feared that moment. But now I realised, just before I heard the familiar sound of their gun, that I had nothing to lose.
And then that bullet hit me. And I knew, I would never have a nightmare again. And smiled.